i’m not sure if anyone has talked about this before but i just watched The Hug scene in tld and suddenly had a revelation about the placement of john and sherlock’s chairs in 221b
it occurred to me that we can maybe think about the kitchen as a symbol for sexual desires/emotions, and the window as a symbol for society/the outside world?
sherlock’s chair sits near the window, but it’s facing away from the window and toward the kitchen. sherlock is socially isolated, he’s an outcast, and he keeps distance from his emotions to the point where he describes himself as a sociopath. john’s chair stands between sherlock’s chair and the kitchen because it’s ultimately sherlock’s feelings for john that he’s keeping himself distant from.
john’s chair sits near the kitchen, but it’s facing away from the kitchen and toward the window. john has feelings for sherlock that he doesn’t want to acknowledge, and he keeps himself distant from the world in the sense that he doesn’t allow it to see who he really is. sherlock’s chair stands between john’s chair and the window because it’s through acknowledging his feelings for sherlock that the world will be able to see the real john watson.
As if this moment wasn’t already painful enough, I wanted to relive it from Sherlock’s pov. Look at the reverencial way in which he watches John make such intimate confession. Live those eternal seconds of silence from Sherlock’s perspective and tell me he doesn’t treat John’s feelings with the outmost respect, patience and understanding. He gives John the time and space he needs, watchful for the right moment to step in to offer him comfort.
The most human human being, indeed.
i’m crying now
This is it. This right here. This is who Sherlock is. Now you know.
Sherlock
Holmes has become such a beautiful, strong man.
Look how
he patiently listens to John Watson telling him to make a move on a woman he
has zero interest in.
Oh, he
tries to tell John: “As I think I have explained before…” he starts, but John
interrupts him. John knows him better now. Romantic entanglement would complete
Sherlock as a human being, he thinks, and John Watson is right, he’s always
right, it’s boring, isn’t it?
It doesn’t matter if you think that
John is talking about himself and Mary
John is talking about himself and the bus lady
John is talking about himself and Sherlock (…obviously…)
Sherlock thinks John is talking about himself and Mary, whom he lost
The point
that comes out clearly in this gif-set, is that whatever we or anyone else
thinks either of them is thinking about, Sherlock is clearly reacting to one
thing.
That
chance doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it’s gone before you know it.
Before you know it!
This is
what Sherlock reacts to, with a face so heartbroken it chokes me up, because…
This is
the same face. That chance doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it’s
gone before you know it. Before you know it!
John,
Sherlock knows that very well. He has lost you so many times over and over
again, and he’s let you go each time because he thought you’d be happier that
way. He let you go to Mary, because you chose her. He let you go at the tarmac,
because he knew his death would destroy your life, just like what he wanted to
say wasn’t “Sherlock is actually a girl’s name,” but very probably, “I’m in
love you, thank you for all you’ve done for me.” But he didn’t.
Because
he knows if you knew that chance would have been there–only to see it
irrevocably go this time, to Serbia, to death–this would have broken you, too.
So he
chose to be kind instead. He may have left you, first, but he paid the price.
Multiple times. You probably began thinking this up there after his fall…
You said
it now. You said it years later; you’ve been thinking it the entire time. It
has haunted you.
Don’t you
think it’s haunted Sherlock, too, once he realised he had been in love with you
all this time? The self-loathing, John, that you have not been privy to
in TAB, must have been intense. Gone before you know it. Yes,
Sherlock has been there, too.
But he’s
been kind to you, and he is being again, now. Oh, he tries to tell you…
“Forgive me, but you are doing yourself a disservice,” he starts, and is about
to tell you that it is you, that it has only ever been you, who
is his fulfillment of ‘romantic entanglement,’ but just like before at the
tarmac and at your wedding, he lets you go. He lets you choose. You interrupt
him by confessing “I cheated on her,” because it’s something you need to get
out. It’s something you need to resolve, and this is the right moment for you.
“Forgive
me but you are doing yourself a disservice. I have known many people in this
world but made few friends, and I can safely say–”
So he
lets you speak. He lets you interrupt. He lets you, once again, not let him say
it. He lets you once again silence him.
He is
being kind. He knows you need this. He knows this is the wrong moment. He lets
you. He allows it.
He wants
you to know, I think. He is so ready to say it here. But his last face in that
gif-set? He may not know where he is standing with you–do you hate him? are you
okay to be friends with him again? you said he didn’t kill your wife but you
still harboured strong resentment towards him for various reasons–but he will
will not allow you to belittle yourself, because you are so much more, to him.
You’re human, even you, and he is done letting you beat yourself
up. You’re doing yourself a disservice. Out of all the people in this world,
there has ever been you. You’re human, and you’re imperfect, but you’re
perfect for me.
He wants
you to know that. And, wanting that, he makes that face in the last gif-set,
listening patiently to you telling him to make a move on a woman he has zero
interest in. Maybe he’s thinking about how little you realise things, still,
even though you’re so clever. You’re an idiot, after all.
He is
hurting, he is resigned. This pains him. He wants you to stop talking about it.
“It was just texting.” Texting means nothing. Texting Irene is your bus lady
moment. It’s nice to know you are being wanted. It’s nice to allow yourself to
feel wanted, sometimes, to try it out, even if you may not want that person
back.
But this
isn’t it. This isn’t ‘more.’ You wanted more, and you still do.
Now look
at Sherlock in this gif-set and tell me he hasn’t wanted more, for years, and still does.
Please,
let him speak, next time, John. Let him speak. You will want to hear what he
has to say.
Try not
to beat yourself up too much after that though: you could have had it long ago.
I scream every time the moaning text alert goes off because
John goes absolutely still while his subconscious walks around saying
things like, “posh boy and dominatrix,” taunting and provoking him while he walks towards Sherlock
like a fucking predator totally intent on–?? on what?? I don’t even know.
Everything vanishes from John’s head when he hears that noise, and it isn’t curiosity.
If you were curious about this you’d stop, maybe turn around and say,
“Oh, so you’re still on with her, then?” Throw in an impish grin or two,
give a thumbs up. Good on you, mate. Go for it! It’s time.
What does John do? He’s going stupid on the inside while trying to keep it cool. But he’s going around the bend.
And, “Seriously, we’re not going to talk about it?” ??? What is there
to talk about, John? Why are you so intent on this? You’re even worse
than TAB Watson, and he already was… you know. Quite intent. There’s nothing to talk about… but that doesn’t stop him.
He
can’t believe Sherlock doesn’t text her back. She’s alive, for one.
Everyone else seems to be dying these days, but the Woman is alive,
right? And she’s good for Sherlock. Beats him professionally, not
when she has psychotic breakdowns. They’re the same level of weird.
She’s just as clever as he is, he’d never call her an idiot, would he?
Not like John. With his psychotic breakdowns, his stupidity, his
constant trying to be normal; God, no, not like John, with all his bloody
issues. (Quite literally bloody, too. Like Sherlock on the floor in a morgue.)
Irene
is better for Sherlock. Could maybe be the only one for him–there
aren’t many psychopaths around, though John has met quite a number of
them–so why doesn’t Sherlock go for it?
John’s self-loathing is
incredibly strong here. Let’s throw in a ‘mate,’ there, he has the
necessary distance now. It’s not weird if he rants about her now, is it?
He is pushing Sherlock towards her, right? No one can make this
into anything it isn’t, because–well, it isn’t anything else. John just
dislikes the noise. He can’t stand it. Had to listen to it 57 times, Christ, and–
no. No, that’s not good. It doesn’t matter. The point is Irene is good for Sherlock, even if she’s Irene Adler.
Anyone but John.
If
only Sherlock weren’t staring up at him with his eyes–wet? are they
wet?–like they are, silent, just letting John go on. When he wants to say something, it’s good that John can just cut him off. Isn’t it?
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