So, when you type ‘military kink’ into Google’s search bar, this happens…
*sheds a single tear* I’m so proud
I’m pretty sure google bases this search on your previous search history and as Eli Pariser says in his TED talk it’s likely that someone else typing “military kink” would get competely different suggestions.
Sorry to burst your (filter) bubble, the world would just be such a better place if all the people were johnlockers (although Sherlock’s view on personal integrity is somewhat… questionable) 😦
That’s why I completely cleared my cache, cookies and browsing history, logged into my boyfriend’s computer profile, cleared the cache, cookies and browsing history again, opened an incognito window, and searched “military kink.”
Every single johnlock fic in the history of johnlock fics:
John calls Sherlock ‘git’ about 87 times for some reason
Sherlock is always crying
Big bro Mycroft saves the day
Mary who?
Mrs. Hudson is convienietly visiting her sister so Sherlock and John can frick frack
Sherlock has never touched food in his entire life
John Big DickTM Watson
Irene is Sherlock’s badass lesbian bff
Sherlock never sleeps. He waits
Everyone hates Anderson.com
John is always at the pub
(Feel free to add more)
John: “Ta.”
Sherlock plucks/screeches on his violin instead of talking.
John: “Oi!”
There’s never any milk.
John always cooks and makes tea
If Sherlock eats he picks from John’s plate
Walks through regent’s park preferably in dizzly weather
Bond movie nights
John and/or Sherlock confess Feelings to Lestrade over pints
In the flat (and only in the flat) Sherlock flounces and John pads
Curls are invariably ruffled/smoothed/carded
Molly sees the light, ships them
Someone throws bills at the cabbie while the other hides their erection beneath their coat
-Body parts in the fridge. -Sulking Sherlock. -John takes a walk in Regent’s Park, usually having his Sexual Identity Crisis™ -The Yard has a betting pool on how long it will be before someone catches them shagging in a closet -Psychic Lestrade looks at them and Just Knows™ -Mycroft always knows™ because cameras and deductive powers
i’ve only written one johnlock fic so far and have one WIP and i swear i’m like guilty of like half of these already.
– Sherlock the drama queen
– John puts his face in his hands and wants to cry; alternately clenches his hands into fists of frustrated and/or repressed rage
– Everyone is like “WELL FREAKING FINALLY” when john and sherlock confess they’re together; alternately they look at john and sherlock, utterly perplexed, and go “what do you mean, finally?”
-Harry Watson coaches her brother though his sexual identity crisis, leading to a semi-reconciliation
During @inevitably-johnlocked wonderful watchalong today the chat in our hilarious insanity began to notice similarities between Penguins of Madagascara and our favourite episode of Sherlock: The Final Problem.
I found this whole concept hilarious to try and find as many parallels as I could. This is the shit post to end all shit posts for TFP and frankly, I laughed so much while making this that I almost peed. I hope this can help my friends to smile and heal from the train wreck that was The Final Problem.
Let’s start at the beginning… Meet our two Villains. Dave, and Eurus. Masters of Disguise.
Dave and Eurus also share the same trait of being a genius. Wow.
Oh look, similar themes… North Wind, meet East Wind.
Both villains are introduced in the most over the top horror-type dramatic fashion.
There’s an explosion, which our heroes miraculously escape from.
Without even a scratch.
Our heroes steal a boat so they can get to our villain’s evil lair…
A REMOTE ISLAND FORTESSS!
BUT… They need to sneak in, in disguise.
Looks like Penguins won this round… Guess we don’t get to see Mycroft in a mermaid suit.
Where they are confronted by our villain via a TV
Our villains both have magic remote controls for their evil dastardly plans!!
And they both like to make things scary by switching all the lights to RED.
Always use nonlethal force to subdue heroes. Tranquilisers are a must for any budding super villain.
HOW DO YOU LAND THIS THING??
OH SHIT WE ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE BABY!!!!
What motivates our villains you ask? Why, it’s loneliness of course!
Oh hello sinister water… what are you doing here?
How do we defeat our villain? GIVE THEM A FRIEND, DUH!
Finally, we come to the moral of our stories… I think Penguins also wins this round. While TFP says: “Who you really are, it doesn’t matter.“
Penguins of Madagascar says: “If there’s anything we’ve learned from this delightful adventure… Kowalski… It’s that looks don’t matter. It’s what you do that counts. And look at what you did. […] you are the most meaningful and valued member of this team.”
au where instead of saying “the address is 221b baker street” sherlock says “my grindr username is detectivetwink1983”
“Who’d want me for a hookup?”
Mike chuckled. “You’re the second person to say that to me today.”
To John’s surprise, Mike took him to a chilly morgue, where a lanky man with the face of an angel, eyes not leaving a computer screen, asked to borrow John’s phone. The whole situation was quite strange, especially when the man started making some surprising deductions about John’s past in Afghanistan.
But that was nothing compared to the utter bewilderment that John felt at the man’s next question, completely out of nowhere: “How do you feel about topping?”
John did a double take. “I’m sorry, what?”
The man hardly looked up from his computer. “I enjoy being tied up when I’m thinking. Sometimes I want sex for days on end. Would that bother you?” Now, he glanced at John. “Potential lovers should know the worst about each other.”
John scoffed and looked back at Mike, who was grinning like a madman. “You told him about me?”
Apparently Mike hadn’t, and the lanky angel made some cryptic comments about how he’d worked out not only John’s current dry spell, but also his complete family history and military past.
It was completely and utterly intoxicating. The stranger’s sharp eyes on him gave his skin a tingly feeling, like being caressed with nothing more than a gaze.
So when the stranger said, “We’ll meet tomorrow evening; seven
o’clock,” John was speechless.
And when the man strode towards the door and added, “Sorry, I’ve got to dash. I think I left my
riding crop in the mortuary,” John’s jaw dropped halfway to the floor, countered by another part of him that seemed to rise as if on command.
“Is that it?” John barely managed to say.
The man stopped in his tracks. “Is that what?”
“We’ve only just met and we’re going to meet for a hookup tomorrow?”
“Problem?”
John blinked. “We don’t know a thing about each other. I
don’t know your name. I don’t even know where we’re meeting.”
The stranger grinned, a glint in his eye. “My grindr username is detectivetwink1983.” He winked. “Afternoon.”
It was all John could do to keep himself from sliding to the floor in a puddle of perplexity, wonder, and complete, utter lust.
Plot twist: it’s not sherlock who’s in a coma, it’s you, you were in a car accident right before season 4 was about to air and this has all been a terrible coma dream but don’t worry, tomorrow you wake up, and the first thing you’ll whisper to your crying loved ones is show me the johnlock kiss damnit
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