mazarin221b:

consulting-queer:

berlynn-wohl:

Not too long ago, I talked on my blog about how epithets (”the taller
man,” “the younger man”) are not only bad, but completely unnecessary.

I got a couple of responses that were, shall we say, a bit rich in sodium chloride. I
was accused of not understanding that some people have to write scenes
with two characters of the same gender. LOL well I’ve only written two
hundred M/M fics, so yeah, I guess I wouldn’t know anything about those
struggles XD

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Epithets are a non-solution to a non-problem.
They are speed bumps in prose, forcing a reader to discern which
character is being referred to – just for a fraction of a second, but
long enough to be disruptive to the experience.

Also, although I love that fan fiction is not bound to the standards of
commercial fiction, I do think it’s telling that no professional author
uses epithets, and any publisher or editor who receives a manuscript with epithets
in them will tell the writer to remove the epithets and try again.

Nevertheless, some people believe that epithets are a preferable
alternative to using a character’s name or their pronoun “too much,” on
the grounds that this can also be distracting. So I’ve decided to make
this post, wherein I, with the help of two characters of the same gender, will show you some sentences that have epithets,
and then demonstrate how and why the epithet is unnecessary.

• “Bob shoved his hand down the back of Mike’s trousers, cupping the other man’s ass.”

“The other man” is not needed. Just use “his” instead. In the first half
of the sentence, we made it clear who was shoving their hand down whose
trousers, so in the second half of the sentence, the reader doesn’t
need a “hint” about who’ll be doing the groping.

• “Bob placed his hands on Mike’s thighs, which thrilled the taller man.”

Okay, I just had to stop reading, go to IMDb, and find out who is
taller, the actor who plays Bob, or the actor who plays Mike. Turns out
Mike is one inch taller. This could all have been avoided if the
sentence had instead read, “It thrilled Mike to feel Bob’s hands on his
thighs.”

• “Mike heard a gasp from the brunette, the only sound he could muster.”

Super simple: “Bob gasped, the only sound he could muster.” In the
original sentence, filtering the action through one of the character’s
senses added nothing to the prose. If you wish to use a filter like this, try something a little more evocative instead, like “Bob gasped, the only sound he could muster, and it was music to Mike’s ears.”

• “As Bob entered the taller man, the brunette cried out at being
  penetrated. The florist was worried that he had hurt the barista, but
  Mike assured the older man that everything was alright and he could keep
  moving.”

Is this an orgy? How many people are here right now? And why does
it matter at this particular moment that one of them is a florist?

Perhaps the above example is a
bit exaggerated. But watch as I re-tell this exact action, removing all
epithets, without having to use names to an annoying degree: “The penetration was so intense, Mike couldn’t help but cry out. Bob froze, fearing he
had proceeded too quickly. With a deep breath, Mike assured him that
everything was alright, and to keep moving.”

Hopefully, Mike and Bob have helped me convince you that, if you feel that you have
a problem with using the characters’ names and pronouns too many times,
epithets are not the solution. Instead, try changing up your sentence
structure. Sometimes things can be simplified by breaking a more complex
thought into two sentences. Alternately, sometimes a compound sentence
will allow you to retain a continuity of action that eliminates the need
for naming the characters over and over.

But whatever the case, I always recommend erring on the side of using
more pronouns. Once you’ve completed your first draft, give it a couple
days (that is, forget the fic a little bit), then go back and re-read.
If you have trouble discerning who is doing what to whom, then it might
be a good idea to put the character’s name in instead of their pronoun.
Names, like the word “said,” are pretty much invisible to the reader.
Yes, you can use them too much, but it takes a quite a lot to notice the
repetition.

And if you believe that hating on epithets is just “the new trendy thing that’s
in vogue right now,” I would like to refer you to this amazing post from 2004
about how epithets are bad.

Here’s another, undated but from the LiveJournal era.

Here’s an LJ post from 2007 about poor epithet choices that writers make. Here’s a Tumblr post from 2012 on the subject. 

Also, this essay from 2015 from a professional writer.

Happy writing, and feel free to message me if a particular sentence or paragraph is giving you trouble; I’d be glad to take a look at it. 🙂

My main piece Berlynn lays down the law about epithets. Listen to her. Please, for the love of all that is good and horny in the world, do not send me a manuscript with epithets. Do not. Please. I’m literally begging you.

Thank the good lord. Epithets are my #1 pet peeve (as y’all know, I’ve harped on it often enough) and I backarrow like a mothefucker when I encounter them.